You'll never be alone..

"People say that there will come a time when your heart and mine will grow cold. No more staring at the evening sky. Low replaces high when you're old. As long as you're around I'll follow you. You won't ever be alone. As long as you're around I'll follow you, and I will be wherever you go.

They say the future is our enemy. Time eventually will set the sun. But I believe in you and you believe in me. How can we ever go wrong? As long as you're around I'll follow you. This heart is never going to break. As long as you're around I'll follow you, and I will give whatever this love takes...

So in the hours of the darkest king, when it's hard to find who we are, one can stare into the other's eyes--be each other's light in the dark. As long as you're around I will follow you. You will never be alone. As long as you're around I'll follow you, and I will be wherever you go."

-Jon McLaughlin

"And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief."-William Cullen Bryant

R.I.P.

Carol Michelle Hensley Singletary

You were an amazing friend, all things lovely and bright, and you were radiant with the love and hope of your salvation.

I don't understand why you ran out of life to live on earth so young, but I know that you are in a better place.

Love you.

Miss you, always..

"Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die,

Oh, raise your head, for love is passing by.

Come to Jesus, come to Jesus,

Come to Jesus and live.

Now your burden's lifted and carried far away,

And precious blood has washed away the stain.

So sing to Jesus, sing to Jesus,

Sing to Jesus and live.

And like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl,

And remember when we walk, sometimes we fall.

So fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus,

Fall on Jesus and live.

Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain.

So if your sky is dark and pours the rain,

Then cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus,

Cry to Jesus and live.

Oh, and when the love spills over and music fills the night,

And when you can't contain your joy inside,

Dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus,

Dance for Jesus and live.

And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye.

Go in peace, and laugh on glory's side,

And fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus,

Fly to Jesus and live."

"It's odd, isn't it?People die every day and the world goes on like nothing happened. But when it's a person you love, you think everyone should stop and take notice. That they ought to cry and light candles and tell you that you're not alone."

-Kristina McMorris

"So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you."

John 16:22

Moving forward

"Another red letter day,

So the pound has dropped and the children are creating.

The other half ran away.

Got a pain in the chest,

Doctor's on strike-what you need is a rest.

It's not easy love, but you've got friends you can trust.

Friends will be friends.

When you're in need of love,

They give you care and attention.

Friends will be friends.

When you're through with life and all hope is lost,

Hold out your hand 

Cause friends will be friends right til the end.

Now it's a beautiful day.

The postman delivered a letter from your lover.

Only a phone call away,

You tried to track him down

But somebody stole his number.

As a matter of fact,

You're getting used to life 

Without him in your way.

It's so easy now 

Cause you've got friends you can trust.

Friends will be friends.

When you're in need of love,

They give you care and attention.

Friends will be friends.

When you're through with life and all hope is lost,

Hold out your hand

Cause friends will be friends right til the end.

Friends will be friends.

When you're in need of love,

They give you care and attention.

Friends will be friends.

When you're through with life and all hope is lost,

Hold out your hand cause right til the end,

Friends will be friends."

Feeling so beyond blessed lately as I look back at where I was compared to where I am now--seeing the beauty that is coming from the hurt and struggle. And I wouldn't be able to say any of this if I hadn't had the help, love, and support of so many amazing true friends who mean the world to me.

Excitement:

Been a while since I posted, and A LOT has happened since then, because I'm pretty sure the last time I did was before Christmas.

Well, long story made short: I am no longer a college student for the time being and am not living in the dorms.
Before I move I am staying with some friends in town for a little while. Said friends run a daycare out of their home, so I have been around kids 24/7, which is totally cool to me because I love kids and I've worked with them for years.
But something totally awesome happened today that I wasn't really expecting...

Most of you know that I am the creator and head author at Think Classic (links below), which is a blog that centers on all things vintage or classic, i.e. classic movies, radio programs, literature and vintage fashion. It's basically a hobby of mine run wild. What you may not know, unless you are the one person who I've ever really told, is that, while I love teaching preschool and working in a daycare, if I could choose one profession to do just because it'd be AMAZING no matter how ridiculous or un-achievable it seems, it would be to work as a film historian or work in film preservation.

Crazy, I know..

But it is days like today that remind me of that ridiculous little fanciful idea. I was working on scrounging up some Harold Lloyd videos to go along with the most recent Think Classic post (again, link below),and one of these little preschool kids came up to see what I was doing, so I showed him a video and he was laughing SO hard all the other kids came over. We ended up watching two of his longer movies plus one of his shorts for well over half an hour.
Maybe that doesn't seem that incredible to you, and if that's the case, maybe that's because you don't know who Harold Lloyd  was. For a full story, click the link below...but for the short version: he was the highest paid actor during the silent film era. Silent films. There are quite a few adults who, even if they have an interest in classic film, that level of interest doesn't extend to silent films. And I can understand that...I personally love silent films, but they are just harder for some people to get into. But these were kids..kids who probably haven't even really been introduced to the world of classic film at all, and they loved it! Not only did they love it, but not one of them questioned why there was no sound or why it was in black and white. They were just totally into it right away because it was funny. And I'm sorry, but in the same way that kids have a simplistic yet sincere idea of what is right and wrong, and just as they are so naturally intuitive, kids know when something is genuinely funny.

Harold Lloyd once said:

"It has been amazing to me that these comedies can still strike a responsive note of laughter with audiences of all ages and in all parts of the world. Laughter is the universal language. It establishes a common identity among people--regardless of other differences. It is the sweetest sound in the whole world."

Isn't that amazing? I mean, Lloyd said this sometime before he died in the early seventies, so that was a while ago. But it still rings true just shy of 100 years after some of his movies were made and released in the early 1900s. It just shows that all the fancy sound and visual effects are for stuffy adults who have lost a sense of imagination. I just think that's so incredibly awesome...and I also think that wherever Harold Lloyd is now, he is undoubtedly supremely happy that his good acting is still appreciated.

If you are still wondering who Harold Lloyd is or would just like to know more about him, please take a look at the new Think Classic post:

Harold Lloyd: "I just took life and poked fun at it.."

This will take you to the main page of Think Classic, where you can also read the aforementioned post:

Think Classic

And, if you're interested, here are links to the Think Classic Twitter and Facebook pages. There are also some good Harold Lloyd videos posted on that same Facebook page from the other day:

Think Classic Twitter

Think Classic Facebook

So in love..

"And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say 'hello' to.
And now the night is near,
Now I can make believe he's here.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping.
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.
On my own,
Pretending he's beside me.
All alone,
I walk with him til morning.
Without him,
I feel his arms around me.
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes,
And he has found me.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver.
All the lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight.
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.
And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us.
I love him.
But when the night is over,
He is gone.
The river's just a river.
Without him,
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers.
I love him
But everyday I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending.
Without me,
His world will go on turning--
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known.
I love him.
I love him.
I love him,
But only on my own."

"Marius:

Good God, what are you doing?

'Ponine, have you no fear?

Have you seen my beloved?

Why have you come back here?

Eponine:

Took the letter like you said.

I met her father at the door.

He said he would give it--

I don't think I can stand anymore.

Marius:

Eponine, what's wrong?

There's something wet upon your hair.

Eponine, you're hurt!

You need some help!

Oh, God! It's everywhere!

Eponine:

Don't you fret, M'sieur Marius,

I don't feel any pain.

A little fall of rain

Can hardly hurt me now.

You're here, that's all I need to know.

And you will keep me safe,

And you will keep me close.

And rain will make the flowers grow.

Marius:

But you will live, 'Ponine, dear God above,

If I could heal your wounds with words of love!

Eponine:

Just hold me now, and let it be.

Shelter me, comfort me.

Marius:

You would live a hundred years

If I could show you how.

I won't desert you now..

Eponine:

The rain can't hurt me now.

The rain will wash away what's past,

And you will keep me safe,

And you will keep me close.

I'll sleep in your embrace at last.

The rain that brings you here

Is Heaven-Blessed!

The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest.

A breath away from where you are

I've come home from so far,

So don't you fret, M'sieur Marius.

I don't feel any pain,

A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now.

That's all I need to know.

And you will keep me safe,

And you will keep me close.

Marius:

Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,

You won't feel any pain.

A little fall of rain can hardly hurt you now.

I'm here.

I will stay with you til you are sleeping.

Both:

And rain will make the flowers...

Marius:

...grow.."

Holy crap.I am a major dork and I willingly admit that but seriously...honestly...this is so amazing.So sad.I won't try to deny that it made me cry in the theater. I have absolutely nothing against Cosette, and I love that she and Marius both live and end up together since they both love eachother so much, but there is also no denying that poor Eponine really loved Marius, too.She loved him so much, and she did so much for him, and thinking that he would die in the barricade, she wanted to die along with him.
Sigh...
As the musical says at one point, "To love another person is to see the face of God."
And the ending, as I already gushed about in the last post, was so incredible.To pair all of these things together and then to add that final reprise of Do You Hear The People Sing, where all the dead are living again together and singing, "They will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord.."
How beautiful!

LesMisLesMisLesMis

"There's a grief that cannot be spoken.

 There's a pain that goes on and on.

 Empty chairs at empty tables--

 Now my friends are dead and gone.

 Here, they talked of revolution.

 Here it was they lit the flame.

 Here it was they sang about 'tomorrow,'

 And tomorrow never came.

 From the table in the corner

 They could see a world reborn.

 And they rose with voices ringing.

 I can hear them now!

 The very words that they had sung

 Had become their last communion

 On the lonely barricade at dawn.

 Oh, my friends, my friends, forgive me!

 That I live and you are gone.

 There is a grief that cannot be spoken.

 There's a pain that goes on and on.

 Phantom faces at the window,

 Phantom shadows on the floor.

 Empty chairs at empty tables

 Where my friends will meet no more.

 Oh, my friends, my friends, don't ask me

 What your sacrifice was for.

 Empty chairs at empty tables

 Where my friends will meet no more...

...Do you hear the people sing,

Lost in the valley of the night?

It is a music of a people

Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth

There is a flame that never dies.

Even the darkest night will end,

And the sun will rise!

They will live again in freedom

In the garden of the Lord

They will walk behind the plough-share

They will put away the sword.

The chain will be broken

And all men will have their reward.

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Somewhere beyond the barricade

Is there a world you long to see?

Do you hear the people sing?

Say, do you hear the distant drums?

It is the future that they bring

When tomorrow comes!"

Seriously.So inspirational...the ending gave me goosebumps.

Can't wait to buy the soundtrack.And to buy the movie and watch it again...and again...and again...

Happeh, happeh, happeh..

"God is so good.

God is so good.

God is so good,

He's so good to me."

Growing up in a church, I learned these words and the little tune that goes with them from a very early age, and I have always known they are true. But have you ever had a moment, with any song that you love, where, even though you know and understand what it means, it isn't until something happens that you really and truly are profoundly hit with how true and meaningful it really is?

You know, the Bible tells us that life will be hard and that we will struggle. It tells us that in every one of our lives, there are seasons that we go through and among those seasons are ones of sorrow, loneliness, etc. You probably know the old saying that there must be darkness so we can appreciate the light. And beyond all of this, the Lord promises in His word that if we remain close to Him and do His bidding in those times of struggle then we will be immeasurably blessed.

Like I said, I knew the words to that little Sunday school song, and I've known what they say for years of my life. But I never was truly rooted to the spot with their understanding and meaning until God specifically showed me what they mean in my own life. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. He's just so good like that :)

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever."

Psalms 146:5-6

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."

2 Corinthians 9:8

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes..

"There was a time when men were kind
 When their voices were soft
 And their words inviting.
 There was a time when love was blind
 And the world was a song,
 And the song was exciting.
 There was a time
 Then it all went wrong.
 I dreamed a dream in time gone by
 When hope was high
 And life worth living.
 I dreamed that love would never die.
 I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
 Then I was young and unafraid
 And dreams were made and used and wasted.
 There was no ransom to be paid,
 No song unsung, no wine untasted.
 But the tigers come at night
 With their voices, soft as thunder
 As they tear your hope apart,
 As they turn your dream to shame.
 He slept a summer by my side,
 He filled my days with endless wonder.
 He took my childhood in his stride,
 But he was gone when autumn came.
 And still I dream he'll come to me,
 That we will live the years together.
 But there are dreams that cannot be
 And there are storms we cannot weather.
 I had a dream my life would be
 So different from this hell I'm living.
 So different now from what it seemed.
 Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."

"Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people 

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?

Who will be strong and stand with me?

Beyond the barricade

Is there a world you long to see?

Courfeyrac:

Then join in the fight

That will give you the right to be free!

Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!

So will you give all you can give

So that our banner may advance?

Some will fall and some will live.

Will you stand up and take your chance?

The blood of the martyrs

Will water the meadows of France!

Do you hear the people sing?

Singing a song of angry men?

It is the music of a people

Who will not be slaves again!

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start

When tomorrow comes!"

"Suddenly I see, suddenly it starts.

 When two anxious hearts beat as one.

 Yesterday I was alone.

 Today you walk beside me.

 Something still unclear,

 Something not yet here has begun.

 Suddenly the world seems a different place,

 Somehow full of grace and delight.

 How was I to know that 

 So much love was held inside me?

 Something fresh and young,

 Something still unsung fills the night.

 How was I supposed to know at last

 That happiness can come so fast?

 Trusting me the way you do,

 I'm so afraid of failing you.

 Just a child who cannot know

 That danger follows where I go.

 There are shadows everywhere

 And memories I cannot share.

 Nevermore alone, nevermore apart.

 You have warmed my heart like the sun.

 You have brought the gift of

 Life and love so long denied me.

 Suddenly I see what I could not see.

 Something suddenly has begun."

BEST.MOVIE.EVER.

Loving London

I am your typical college student in that when I am doing homework, I spend half of my time going through my open Facebook page and Twitter feed.
This afternoon I was doing just that and saw that one of my friends shared a page on Facebook called Loving London (link below). I checked it out and I'm still reeling from everything I read and saw there.
It is a page created by a young woman who is giving birth to her son, London tomorrow, December 7, and he is also going to die tomorrow. On the page she shares their story--how she wasn't expected to get pregnant but did, and it was part way through her pregnancy that their son, still in the womb, was diagnosed with Anencephaly, which is fatal. In reading their story, I was amazingly touched at what she had to say--it reminded me of exactly the reasons why I am pro-life. She couldn't bring herself to terminate her pregnancy because even if her son does not live very long once he is born, he is living now inside her womb. He is growing, moving, and kicking even as she prepares for his death by filling out certificates and various things like that.
I have no children, I'm not married, and I have never been pregnant, so I absolutely cannot even begin to imagine the strength that these parents have to prepare for a young son's life, knowing that it may only last a couple of hours, or maybe even less. The love abounds on that Facebook page, and it brought me to tears.

It was just an amazing little (actually, it was pretty big) nudge at my heart. I've been going through quite a bit of difficult things lately and I've been so stressed and overwhelmed with all kinds of things, but this was a miraculous reminder that life is such a blessing, no matter what you face, or how long it lasts. Life is a miracle in itself, and we should have more of an awareness of that--we are all just walking and talking miracles, no matter how long we are here on earth.And just like the Facebook page Loving London, our lives abound with love and blessings from God, no matter what form they take. And London's life will be no different-it is and will be a miracle that is obviously already blessing people from all sorts of different places and locations, including his parents.

I don't even personally know these people, but their story has touched my heart so much that I have to share it with others. And I ask that you, like me, will pray for them tomorrow as London is delivered and takes his first and last breaths more than likely in a matter of hours. It is apparent that they are strong and courageous people just by being willing to share their story in the hopes that it will bless others, but they will need even more strength and comfort tomorrow, no matter how much they have prepared in the previous months.

Please take the time to look at this page, share some words of encouragement and prayers.

I hope it blesses you as much as it has me.

Loving London Facebook Page

I'll be home for Christmas!

"I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love

 Even more than I usually do.

 And although I know it's a long road back,

 I promise you...

 I'll be home for Christmas.

 You can count on me.

 Please have snow and mistletoe,

 And presents on the tree.

 Christmas Eve will find me

 Where the lovelight gleams.

 I'll be home for Christmas

 If only in my dreams."

Only 2 more weeks exactly.

I'm so excited!

It's that time of year when the world falls in love..

"Frosted windowpanes, candles gleaming inside.

 Painted candy canes on the tree.

 Santa's on his way, he's filled his sleigh with things,

 Things for you and for me.

 It's that time of year when the world falls in love.

 Every song you hear seems to say,

'Merry Christmas, may your New Years dreams come true.'

 And this song of mine in three quarter time

 Wishes you and yours the same thing too.

 It's that time of year when the world falls in love.

 Every song you hear seems to say,

'Merry Christmas, may your New Years dreams come true.'

 And this song of mine in three quarter time

 Wishes you and yours the same thing too."

Marriage and Ministry

So, I recently, by means of a similar subject, was directed to read an article someone wrote on the failure of a marriage of John Wesley, which made some pretty bold assertions, to say the least.
John Wesley was a Methodist minister who has gone down in history for his passionate preaching and evangelism with other people. However, it is definitely true that he did not have the best of marriages.
I know that it wouldn't be that uncommon for people to make the assertion or declaration that if a minister has a troubled or not ideal home life (like Wesley) then he should not be in a place of power or influence within the ministry. And honestly, I feel like that is a pretty bold statement to make.
And the number one problem that I have with that article (which you can find here: Sacrificing Your Marriage on the Altar of your Job: Examining John Wesley's Train Wreck of a Marriage) is that by the time you get to the last couple of paragraphs, the author is making the dangerous assertion (whether it was intentional or not) that the "ministry" of marriage comes before the ministry in the church.
The article even says, "Know this-If you are a minister of the Gospel, your marriage is your first ministry. If you fail at this first one, your second ministry is tainted."

I feel like that really put the nail in the coffin, so to speak, as to my disagreeing with the article as a whole. Because I don't think that statement is necessarily true. I think that the Bible shows that marriage is of equal importance with your ministry in the church. I agree that it is true that the Bible makes it clear the church leaders need to have upstanding character, especially within their home lives, but the truth is that there are only a select number of people who are specially called by God to actually preach within His house. That's a pretty special calling, and it becomes a way of life. And every pastor I have ever known is a workaholic, to say the least. And every pastor's wife I have ever known has had to accept the fact that their husband's work within the Lord's house comes as a first. That doesn't mean that their marriage is not important, but they gain an understanding of the hierarchy of God before all else. The truth is that God has to be number one in our personal lives, and then that should effect all the other facets of our lives, from our jobs to our marriages and other relationships, etc. And I did not see that statement anywhere within the article.
Yes, it can be said that John Wesley should not have entered into his marriage without establishing some common ground with his wife first. But it can and should be said that Molly Wesley should not have considered entering into marriage with John unless she had a good understanding that a minister's work is never done and it's God's work, and that definitely makes a difference in a marriage. There was also no mention of that within the article.

And there was no credit given to John Wesley that, despite all of the problems his marriage faced and the fact that his wife was abusive, he never even tried to divorce her. No matter his reasons for staying married to her, the fact of the matter is that he did, and that's a pretty big deal, especially nowadays when people seem to get divorced at the drop of a hat. If ever there was a marriage that appears to have had Irreconcilable Differences, it was the Wesley's. And yet, Wesley chose not to act on those irreconcilable differences.

I also think that, to make the statement that Wesley should not have held such influence in the ministerial position that he had because of his personal problems, is to, in a way, discount all of the good influence he had and the wonderful progress he did make for God's kingdom. Because to make that assertion is like saying that God cannot bring someone forth from the difficulty of their home life, help them learn from their problems, issues, and mistakes, and help use that to minister to others. Because God CAN do that. I've even seen it. The most important thing is that the person in question is right with God within his own heart.

Now, I am a child of divorce. So I don't sympathize or empathize with people who get divorced, because the Bible is pretty clear that divorce is not the way to go about your marital problems, but I do understand divorce and the reasoning behind it. Whereas sometimes, I think it is safe to say that it is much more difficult for someone who comes from a wholesome family where marital problems are not on general display, to understand or objectively look at the other side.

I by no means wish to bash the author of the article on John Wesley's marriage. This article is more for my own musings in an "agree-to-disagree" sort of way. But I just feel like they were making some pretty bold statements and not really giving proper representation to all of the facts. Bottom line--I agree that you can't properly minister if you can't keep your home life in order. But so often ministry comes first, so that's why people called to the ministry need to marry someone who can reconcile that, so as to better solve their problems when the time comes. Because being a minister's wife is just as much of a calling as being a minister.

Hallelujah!

FINALLY!!

I am officially on Thanksgiving break!
That makes me majorly excited for various reasons.
It makes me excited that it means I get a break from classes for the next several days, and it makes me equally excited that I am officially done with the Fall of '48 campaign, so I can rest up and organize my schedule for A Very Vintage Christmas.
It makes me outrageously excited because it means that I can officially start celebrating and decorating for Christmas on Saturday, and it's common knowledge that I get a little nutty over Christmas, because we all know that I am basically a Christmas elf who got switched and sent into the muggle world at birth...that's how that works, right?
And finally, it makes me excited that Thanksgiving itself is on Thursday, which means I get a lot of wonderful and tasty food, and I get to spend quality time with my friends and family. And speaking of Thanksgiving, which makes me think of things to be thankful for...I haven't done the whole Thanksgiving/Things I Am Thankful For countdown on Facebook like most of my friends have, but I have been thinking about all of the things I am blessed with, and there are so many of them.
I'm so blessed to have my family, my second family, my friends, and everyone else who bends over backwards to help me when I need it, whether I just need a good laugh, or I am really in trouble. I'm also pretty lucky to have teachers, counselors and other new friends on campus who care about my well being. And I'm equally thankful for my church family, because they are just as important as my actual family--you can't get through life without spiritual support from those around you, and I have been beyond blessed to find peace with my church family over the last year, in the church that I was raised in and that my grandpa preached in. And the number one thing I am thankful for is God, and the fact that He cares for me and has a plan of salvation for me, and the fact that every single day I wake up to His grace all around me. I think it is pretty safe to say that I feel like I have quite a bit to be thankful for this year.

Anyways, now that I've typed up a post so sappy that most of you probably won't get through a full paragraph, I'll be signing off, wishing you a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving!

Forget it.

I'm so glad to know that our friendship apparently didn't mean as much as I thought it did.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's dead depressing, but at least now I know where you stand.
I don't know about you, but whenever I chose to get the word "Promise" permanently etched onto my body, that meant a lot to me. And I would've assumed it meant a lot to you as well, because why would you do it if it didn't mean anything at all?
And it's still fresh in my memory that less than a month ago, when I was already starting to feel slightly excluded and outnumbered, one of you promised me that you would never treat me like that because you know how it feels to be at the other end. Well, guess what you're doing now?You're just joining in and everything you all do (or don't do, really) makes me feel outnumbered, unwanted, friendless, and depressed.
I really don't know what happened. I can't read your minds, so if you don't tell me that there's a problem then I don't know what it is. But I would have thought that after living together for over a year now, at least two of you would know that I care about you and consider you some of my best friends, and that I would never intentionally do something to hurt you. I would think that you would know by now that I'm not that kind of person, and that I'm not the kind of person that throws temper tantrums on a regular basis, which should show you that I'm feeling really hurt. And yet either you can't see that or else you just don't care. Because I'd say it's pretty obvious how much this is hurting me and how confusing I find it. Yet you can sit in the same room, less than 5 feet away from me, and you can completely ignore my tears and pretend like I'm not even there.
So, here's to our friendship...
Except really it would probably make more sense to say here's to insincerity, dishonesty, selfishness, pain and hurt.
I know that this song isn't necessarily about friendship, but it still describes what I'm feeling pretty perfectly, because I do love you guys..I thought we had a more sincere friendship than this. But forget it. If you don't want it then I'm not going to force it on you. So, I guess if you decide you do still want to be friends or at least want to tell me why this is happening, then you know where to find me. But in the meantime, so long.

An unwanted apology

I'm sorry for whatever it is that I said or did to make you shun me like you do.
I'm sorry that I tried to be a good friend but apparently I wasn't good enough.
My bad for thinking that everything was okay.
I'm sorry that I'm non-confrontational,so I'd rather just let you be since it appears that you don't want me around anymore.
I'm sorry that I can't read your mind so I don't know what it is that I have supposedly done.
I'm sorry if you just feel like I'm not the same person anymore, but to be honest, I could say the same about you.
I'm sorry that I don't understand what's going on, so I therefore don't feel like I have done anything wrong.
I wish things could go back to normal. And maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like the ball is in your court, so to speak. Like I said, I'm fairly non-confrontational, and I don't want to say the wrong thing so that things get even worse around here, so I'll just standby and hope that you can see that I don't know what it is that I did, but I am sorry that things ever got this bad. I'm tired of living in this little box with unspoken words between us, feeling outnumbered and unwanted.
And I'm sorry if you should happen to read this (though you probably won't) and it upsets you.
Because none of this was ever my intention at all.
I'm sorry.

Oh,how I want to be free..

"I want to break free.

 I want to break free.

 I want to break free from your lies,

 You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you.

 I've got to break free.

 God knows, God knows I want to break free.

 I've fallen in love.

 I've fallen in love for the first time,

 This time I know it's for real.

 I've fallen in love.

 God knows, God knows I've fallen in love.

 It's strange but it's true,

 I can't get over the way you love me like you do.

 But I have to be sure when I walk out the door.

 Oh, how I want to be free, baby.

 Oh, how I want to be free.

 Oh, how I want to break free.

 But life still goes on.

 I can't get used to livin' without you by my side.

 I don't want to live alone.

 God knows I've got to make it on my own.

 So baby, can't you see I've got to break free?

 I've got to break free.

 I want to break free."

Blast from the past

Wow.
The other day I was trying to transfer some files from my phone to my computadora, so I took the memory card out of my phone and put it into my computer and you would not believe all the old pictures and videos from high school that I found on there. And there is no rhyme or reason to any of it either. Some of the stuff is from Jr/Sr ("prom" for all intents and purposes), some of it is from my senior class trip, some of it is from my friends graduation the year before mine, and some of it is completely random.
But it is all just too good to pass up, so here are some of my favorites.
Sincerely,
Laughing Myself Silly

A post with no purpose

So, I am a book worm--no secret there. I love to read and I love all books.  There are very few books that I can pick up and not get into. However, there are also very few books that I literally adore so much that I read them every year on a schedule and I always, without fail, get sad whenever I finish them. Those would be To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, and Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.
Therefore, sticking with my self-made tradition of reading Little Women every year just before Thanksgiving and again at Christmas/New Year's, I am getting ready to work through it's pages. So, (also due to me being the weirdo that I am) I am preparing myself by listening to the Little Women 1994 film soundtrack. As the strains of Thomas Newman float in one ear and out of the other, I can't help but dwell on a family feud that my mother and I have over the story.

Naturally, given my love of Little Women, I've seen each film adaptation there is. The interesting thing is that I did not love reading as a small child, so I didn't read the book at all until high school and even then I could never get through the whole thing. I had a problem because, out of all of the film adaptations, the 1994 version has always been my favorite, and since I became familiar with it before I ever read the book, I was afraid to finish the book because I was afraid of the differences I would find in it. And Beth has always been my favorite sister, so I was actually afraid of reading her death scene, because they made it so special in the movie that I didn't want it to be different and not as sentimental. Well, finally, in my freshman year of college, I bucked up and read the whole book, laughing and weeping my eyes out along the way because I began to see that the book was very similar, but even the differences it had were okay--they weren't so different that I couldn't hold onto my movie details, and they were more special because they were original, came before the film, and were written by Louisa May Alcott herself. Who knew?

So, anyways, back to the family feud. Since I fell in love with the 1994 film long before I ever read the book, naturally, when I did finally read it, Susan Sarandon was my Marmee, Winona Ryder was my Jo, Trini Alvarado was my Meg, Kirsten Dunst was my Amy, Claire Danes was my Beth, AND Christian Bale was my Laurie. My mother is a literature purist and doesn't tend to adhere to film adaptations very well because "they are never the same," so you have to take whatever she says with a grain of salt, but the big issue we have is that Christian Bale is not her Laurie. Do you need me to repeat that? I don't blame you--it's pretty shocking.

Christian Bale is not her Laurie.

And it gets worse. Not only does she just not picture him as Laurie in her head, but she does not think he makes a good Laurie at all. It's an endless debate. I think he's the perfect Laurie--more perfect than Douglass Montgomery, Peter Lawford, or Richard Gilliand. And just like all of the rest of the cast from the 1994 version of Little Women, it doesn't matter what movie I see any of them in or how well they craft and play their part, I will ALWAYS look at Susan Sarandon and see my Marmee, Winona Ryder will ALWAYS be my Jo, Trini Alvarado will ALWAYS be my Meg, Kirsten Dunst will ALWAYS be my Amy (what happened to her, by the way?Did she just fall off the face of the earth?), Claire Danes will ALWAYS be my Beth, and it doesn't matter if he's playing a serial killer or he's decided that he's Batman, underneath his feeble costume, Christian Bale will ALWAYS be my Laurie. End of story.

So, to all the people who are undoubtedly not going to read this, if you have read the book or seen the movie (preferably both), what do you think? Who is your favorite Laurie? Or do you have a Laurie all your own inside your head? But, for arguments sake in this post, please just tell me I'm right and my mother is wrong.

"I'll try and be what he loves to call me, a 'little woman,' and not be rough and wild; but do my duty here instead of wanting to be somewhere else."

-Jo March, Little Women

"I may be strong-minded, but no one can say I'm out of my sphere now, for woman's special mission is supposed to be drying tears and bearing burdens."

-Jo March, Little Women

"If we are all alive ten years hence, let's meet, and see how many of us have got our wishes, or how much nearer we are then than now.."

-Jo March, Little Women

"Seldom except in books do the dying utter memorable words, see visions, or depart with beatified countenances, and those who have sped many parting soul know that to most the end comes as naturally and simply as sleep. As Beth had hoped, the 'tide went out easily,' and in the dark before dawn, on the bosom where she had drawn her first breath, she quietly drew her last, with no farewell but one loving look, one little sigh."

-Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

I remember it all too well..

"I walked through the door with you.

 It was cold, but something about it felt like home somehow,

 And I left my scarf there at your sister's house

 And you've still got it in your drawer even now.

 Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.

 We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate.

 The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place.

 And I can picture it after all these days.

 And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more,

 And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all.

 'Cause there we are again on that little town street.

 You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me.

 Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

 Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.

 You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin size bed.

 Your mother's telling stories about you on the t-ball team.

 You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me.

 And I know it's long gone, and there's nothing else I could do.

 And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.

 'Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night,

 We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light.

 Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well.

 And maybe we got lost in translation.

 Maybe I asked for too much.

 But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

 'Til you tore it all up,

 Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

 And you call me up again just to break me like a promise,

 So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

 I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here,

 'Cause I remember it all too well.

 Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it.

 I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it.

 After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own,

 Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone.

 But you keep my old scarf from that very first week

 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me.

 You can't get rid of it cause you remember it all too well.

 'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so.

 Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known.

 It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.

 Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all too well.

 Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all too well.

 It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well."

And I hope sometimes you wonder about me..

"I bet this time of night you're still up.

 I bet you're tired from a long, hard week.

 I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window,

 Looking out at the city,

 And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

 And I just want to tell you

 It takes everything in me not to call you.

 And I wish I could run to you.

 And I hope you know, every time I don't,

 I almost do.

 I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

 Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.

 I bet it never ever occurred to you that

 I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye.

 And I just want to tell you

 It takes everything in me not to call you.

 And I wish I could run to you.

 And I hope you know, every time I don't,

 I almost do.

 Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.

 It's probably better off this way.

 And I confess, babe, in my dreams

 You're touching my face and asking me

 If I want to try again with you,

 And I almost do.

 And I just want to tell you

 It takes everything in me not to call you.

 And I wish I could run to you

 And I hope you know, every time I don't,

 I almost do.

 I bet this time of night you're still up.

 I bet you're tired from a long, hard week.

 I bet you're sitting in your chair beside the window,

 Looking out at the city.

 And I hope sometimes you wonder about me."