Biggest failure of the century

Have you ever seriously, majorly messed up with something?
Cause I definitely have, and apparently now I am reaping the consequences in full.

I actually hate talking about this because I am pretty ashamed that it even happened, but at the end of last semester I found out that I was being placed on academic probation, because I hadn't done very well in some of my classes, so I wasn't meeting the college's average grade requirement.

Depressing, right?

So, nobody really told me what I was even supposed to do about it until this second semester started, and I emailed my advisor about it and he told me to come talk with him about it in his office.  So, I did that, and I don't know if any of you are familiar with what happens when you're on academic probation, so, this is how it works:  you have to send a letter to the financial aid department talking about what a good student you really are, why you got off track and what you're doing to fix it. Then you have to work your butt off for straight As because that's basically all that's going to help you. But you might be like me and have a lovely advisor who just goes ahead and tells you that you probably won't meet the required level of improvement anyways because of where you're at to begin with.

Needless to say, after that meeting, I literally had a full on panic attack. I was bawling my eyes out and calling home and literally weeping because I was scared out of my freaking mind. I've still been scared about it all semester, but my mom told me that the number one thing is that I try my best and that way, even if they say that it doesn't rate high enough, I'll still know that I did all I can do.

But there's a small problem.

Ready for the major, colossal screw-up? Remeber that letter I was supposed to send? Yeah, well, I didn't.

It's horrible, I know!But at first I was too busy freaking out for a week or so.  Then, once I started to calm down and think slightly more logically, I realized that I had no idea how to write this letter or exactly where to direct it. So, I told myself that I would look it up. Well, typical me, I forgot.  And I kept randomly remembering that I hadn't sent my letter, but I was always in the middle of something, so I would be like, okay, this weekend, I am so sending it!

Well, seriously, the next thing I knew, the deadline for financial aid information and FAFSA was passed, which meant that I was basically screwed because there was no point in sending it anymore. So, I had another little panic attack, but there wasn't much I thought I could do (because I am an idiot). So, I just kept on with my classes, trying my best and trying not to worry too much like my mom told me. Because, as far as I was aware, the worst that could happen was that they'd be like, Well, you screwed up so you don't get financial aid next year, which is something my mom and I had already talked about and decided we could work with if we had to. Not a big deal...

Right?

Wrong.

Never in my wildest dreams (which are sadly becoming a reality) did I know that whenever I got out my computer this morning to register online for my classes next semester, it would stop me in my tracks with a little message that says "You are not eligible for registration. Please contact the advising center re: acad. probation," and then it gave me a number to call.

So, you could say that now I am REALLY up the creek without a paddle and about to go over the waterfall of death.  I don't know what's going on, I don't know what to do about it, I'm terrified that they are not even going to let me come back next year, and then I don't know what I am going to do because I can't go home and live in TN anymore, but I have nowhere to stay out here besides the dorms, and my mom is going to find out that I forgot to send my letter and she is going to be royally pissed and probably hate my guts, but what else could we possibly expect from me--the biggest failure of life?

That's pretty much what I've felt like all year when it comes to school. I have felt nothing but shame and guilt, no matter how hard I've tried. And, ladies and gentlemen, I guess that's what this leads up to.