So, I recently, by means of a similar subject, was directed to read an article someone wrote on the
failure of a marriage of
John Wesley, which made some pretty
bold assertions, to say the least.
John Wesley was a
Methodist minister who has gone down in history for his passionate preaching and evangelism with other people. However, it is definitely true that he did not have the best of marriages.
I know that it wouldn't be that uncommon for people to make the assertion or declaration that if a minister has a
troubled or not ideal home life (like Wesley) then he should not be in a place of power or influence within the ministry. And honestly, I feel like that is a pretty bold statement to make.
And the number one problem that I have with that article (which you can find here:
Sacrificing Your Marriage on the Altar of your Job: Examining John Wesley's Train Wreck of a Marriage) is that by the time you get to the last couple of paragraphs, the author is making the
dangerous assertion (whether it was intentional or not) that the "ministry" of marriage comes before the ministry in the church.
The article even says,
"Know this-If you are a minister of the Gospel, your marriage is your first ministry. If you fail at this first one, your second ministry is tainted."
I feel like that really put the nail in the coffin, so to speak, as to my disagreeing with the article as a whole. Because I don't think that statement is necessarily true. I think that the Bible shows that marriage is of
equal importance with your ministry in the church. I agree that it is true that the Bible makes it clear the church leaders need to have upstanding character, especially within their home lives, but the truth is that there are only a select number of people who are specially called by God to actually
preach within His house. That's a pretty special calling, and it becomes a way of life. And every pastor I have ever known is a
workaholic, to say the least. And every pastor's wife I have ever known has had to accept the fact that their husband's work within the Lord's house comes as a first. That doesn't mean that their marriage is not important, but they gain an understanding of the hierarchy of God before all else. The truth is that God has to be number one in our personal lives, and then that should effect all the other facets of our lives, from our jobs to our marriages and other relationships, etc. And I did not see that statement anywhere within the article.
Yes, it can be said that John Wesley should not have entered into his marriage without establishing some common ground with his wife first. But it can and should be said that Molly Wesley should not have considered entering into marriage with John unless she had a good understanding that a minister's work is never done and it's God's work, and that definitely makes a difference in a marriage. There was also no mention of that within the article.
And there was no credit given to John Wesley that, despite all of the
problems his marriage faced and the fact that his wife was
abusive, he never even tried to
divorce her. No matter his reasons for staying married to her, the fact of the matter is that he
did, and that's a pretty big deal, especially nowadays when people seem to get divorced at the drop of a hat. If ever there was a marriage that appears to have had Irreconcilable Differences, it was the Wesley's. And yet, Wesley chose not to act on those irreconcilable differences.
I also think that, to make the statement that Wesley should not have held such influence in the ministerial position that he had because of his personal problems, is to, in a way,
discount all of the good influence he had and the wonderful progress he did make for God's kingdom. Because to make that assertion is like saying that God cannot bring someone forth from the difficulty of their home life, help them learn from their problems, issues, and mistakes, and help use that to minister to others. Because God
CAN do that. I've even seen it. The most important thing is that the person in question is right with God within his own heart.
Now, I am a child of
divorce. So I don't sympathize or empathize with people who get divorced, because the Bible is pretty clear that divorce is not the way to go about your marital problems, but I do understand divorce and the reasoning behind it. Whereas sometimes, I think it is safe to say that it is much more difficult for someone who comes from a wholesome family where marital problems are not on general display, to understand or objectively look at the other side.
I by no means wish to bash the author of the article on John Wesley's marriage. This article is more for my own musings in an "agree-to-disagree" sort of way. But I just feel like they were making some pretty bold statements and not really giving proper representation to all of the facts. Bottom line--I agree that you can't properly minister if you can't keep your home life in order. But so often ministry comes first, so that's why people called to the ministry need to marry someone who can reconcile that, so as to better solve their problems when the time comes. Because being a minister's wife is just as much of a calling as being a minister.
